No Longer Silent: Speaking Out Against School Bullying

May 8, 2003: A group of female high school seniors in Northbrook, Illinois were caught on tape hazing junior girls. The young students were forced to eat dirt, fish guts, and pet food and beaten up so badly that….

October 17, 2006: A 13 year old girl from Missouri committed suicide after being repeatedly bullied on online social networking site MySpace.com. The mother of a former friend set up a fake account and sent the teen cruel messages which lead the young teen to suicide.

April 16, 2007: A senior at Virginia Tech opened fire at fellow students killing 32 and wounding many others before killing himself. It is the deadliest school shooting incident by a single gunman in US history.

May 18, 2009: A 15 year old Louisiana middle school student fired a gunshot over a teachers head during class and afterwards, shot himself in the school bathroom. A note was later found describing the boy’s plans to go on a shooting rampage.

Jan. 14, 2010: A Massachusetts HS Freshman committed suicide after enduring months of bullying by classmates in person and online. Nine students were charged.

By the time school hall bullying and internet harassment become headline grabbing tragedies—we all find it quite easy to differentiate them from what we regard as typical “kids will be kids” behavior.

Amidst the horror and disbelief that our children are capable of these vicious, cold, seemingly planned acts of violence, and usually against one of their own, we wonder “Where…how did this happen?” “Did anyone (parent, teacher) realize…see this coming?” “Were there signs?” “Could this have been averted?”

Bullying differs from other types of negative behaviors in that it is

• aggressive and intentionally harmful,
• carried out repeatedly over a period of time,
• usually between two specific individuals or groups and
• characterized by an imbalance of power - one more powerful and the other more junior or vulnerable.

Adults often see but dismiss the manipulative power and influence of cliques. They may see the isolated child, a schoolyard fight, even tears, but shrug these off as typical childhood experiences—an all too accepted rite of passage that supposedly all children must undergo.

However, studies have found that children who are bullied are five times more likely to be depressed than other children and are more prone to suicide. It is also not surprising to learn that 71 percent of the attackers had themselves experienced severe and long-standing forms of bullying—persecution, threats, harassment, verbal abuse and physical attacks.

A bully can spot a victim a mile away. Children who are targeted most frequently seem to be those with low self-esteem, few friends and who cry easily. Most victims are different in some way—and a bully easily spots and uses this. Some victims may have a disability, or are poor at sports. They may be short or overweight, dress or speak differently—or just new to the school. Usually bullies have no empathy for their victims, so his tears, pain or depression motivates the bully to continue rather than desist.

A bully may victimize someone because he thinks it will make him more popular with the “in” crowd or it may make him appear tough, someone not to be messed with In addition, it may gain him the attention he craves., Sometimes bullies are jealous of the victim, or they themselves had been bullied to the point where they lash back—an act of desperation.

Since bullying often takes place when adults are not present — or on the internet or via IM or social network such as Facebook — and the victims are fearful to tell anyone that they are being bullied, it is difficult to identify the victims. However, there are some non-verbal signs for parents and teachers to look out for. For instance, a child might resist going to school and feign headaches or stomach aches. Parents and teachers may notice a child becoming withdrawn, cling, experience changes in sleep or appetite. Some children will have difficulty concentrating or become non-communicative. Some blatant signs such as clothing that is repeatedly damaged or “lost” or unexplained bruises and cuts are also often missed signs.

The bullying tactics employed by boys may leave physical scars, but girl-on-girl bullying often causes much deeper wounds. While boys usually express power over others through physical aggression, girls use inclusive relationships to wield power over their victims. Though the victims of girl-on-girl bullying are deeply affected, they are difficult to identify because girls bullying tactics are usually secretive and non-physical and the victims often do not report the bullying.

Girl bullies will exert their power over their victims by excluding them, spreading rumors about them, or teasing them in front of their peer group—engaging in this type of psychological warfare can be extremely detrimental to the victims’ confidence and self esteem. Recent technology has only provided new ways for bullies to intimidate and harass their victims. E-mails, instant and text messaging, and the internet are used to spread rumors and photos to an ever widening group, damaging the victim socially and emotionally even more. Some of the symptoms of girl-on-girl bullying are anxiety, depression, frequent absences from school, and even suicide. Bystanders often keep silent, terrified that they will be targeted as the group’s next victim.

Because no one deserves to be bullied, schools need to have strategies in place to provide the safest school environment possible. Classroom discussions are essential as they sensitize children to feel the pain and isolation of the victim, raise their awareness and give them “permission” to report bullying type activities when they occur. Creating a specific anti-bullying school culture usually demonstrates a commitment to the prevention of bullying and makes a potential victim feel less alone in his predicament. Empowering a child to deal with difficult situations may prevent a minor incident from escalating into full scale harassment. By Marla Atkins & Leah Schlager